有時候我們愛上一個人,是因為不知道自己是第三者;但有時候,我們卻允許自己當第三者。
因為無論我們是別人情人的情人,還是自己有情人以外的情人,這種不用負擔的愛,就像是在外縣市出差旅行亂丟垃圾的輕鬆心情,不用負責任,可以 短暫衝刺自己最有魅力的一刻,或是,盡情表現最醜陋的一面。
有時候我們愛上一個人,是因為不知道自己是第三者;但有時候,我們卻允許自己當第三者。
因為無論我們是別人情人的情人,還是自己有情人以外的情人,這種不用負擔的愛,就像是在外縣市出差旅行亂丟垃圾的輕鬆心情,不用負責任,可以 短暫衝刺自己最有魅力的一刻,或是,盡情表現最醜陋的一面。
我的朋友喬伊絲問我:「妳曾經深愛過一個人嗎?」
對於這題目,我愣了一下,然後斬釘截鐵回答:「是。」
接著,喬伊絲問:「如果妳仍深愛著他,又不能在一起,妳該怎麼忘記他呢?」
「唔,需要時間吧,或者遇到另一個更深愛的對象。」
The Johari Window is a large square divided into 4 quadrants. Each quadrant represents a different kind of personal information.
Look at the top left quadrant, the one with the word Open in the middle. That quadrant represents the information that we know about ourselves and that also is obvious to others. For example, when you see someone you absorb all kinds of important information about them: their gender, approximate age, skin colour, if they appear to be fit and healthy or not. You might also notice if they are wearing a wedding band, which might mean that they are in a committed relationship. If you talked with them, you might be able to determine if English is their first language, or even if they are from the prairies or somewhere else in Canada. All of this is information for which there is no privacy at all. Simply in the way we look, how we speak, what we wear lets others know something about ourselves.
The quadrant labelled Hidden represents personal information that is known only to us: our life experiences, our thoughts, feeling, dreams…all of that information is within you and it is this information that we share with others. We’re always making decisions about how much of this information we disclose to others. For example, you probably share much more of your “hidden” information with your partner or a close friend than you do with a colleague, and likewise, more with a colleague than you would with a new acquaintance. This hidden aspect of ourselves is the piece we’re focussing on when we talk about self-disclosure. But, the other quadrants are also important, because they also tap into personal information that influences relationships.
The quadrant labelled Blind refers to information that others know about us, but that we don’t know about ourselves. That may seem funny. You might be asking yourself: “How could someone know stuff about us that we don’t know?” If you think about it, you will realise that it happens all the time. Others pick up information about us that is blinded to us. For example, a colleague may point out to you that you drum your fingers on your knee when you’re bored in a meeting. That could come as a surprise to you. If you were not award that you did that, then that would fall into the category of Blind information. Now that you know that about yourself, you will probably notice it the next time you’re sitting in a meeting and drumming your fingers because you are now aware of it. Does it matter? Well, actually, it does matter because knowing that means that it has shifted from being Blind information to being Hidden information and you are able to control it if you wish.
The last quadrant titled Unknown refers to personal information that is known to no one—not even ourselves. It is information that is outside of our awareness but still may affect how we think, feel, and behave. Sometimes this type of information is called unconscious material, and what this means is that we can’t get conscious access to it. Some psychologists believe that everything that happens to us, indeed, all of our experiences somehow shape us. But, we are not always able to remember those things, especially the experiences we had in infancy or before we developed language and sophisticated thought. So that information gets stored in our memories and we don’t realise that it is even there. You might want to think of this as the mystery piece that may shape or influence who we are as individuals.
◎ 何謂強迫症?
強迫性精神官能症簡稱強迫症,是屬於焦慮症的一種。
罹患強迫症的人會陷入一種無意義、且令人沮喪的重複的想法與行為當中,
但是一直無法擺脫它。強迫症的表現可以自輕微到嚴重,但是假使症狀嚴重而不治療,
可能摧毀一個人的工作能力,或在學校的表現,甚至連在家中的日常生活都有問題。
相信每個人在初嚐愛情的甜蜜後...
都有種原來愛情是如此美妙...
怎麼遲至此時此刻才碰觸到它...